Eye to Eye (monologue)

(sidling up to me as I walk, the small-time hood unwinds….)

Hey, yo, c’mere, chill out, I’m not like these guys, I’m not trying to get over on you…

Check it out, walk with me, my man, I’m tellin’ ya, we’re not like these cats. We see eye to eye. But don’t fuck with me, mother fucker, cuz ain’t no mother fucker gonna get over on me. But man, I’m telling you, you’d better watch your ass, man, some of these mothers’ll cut you down for coin, I’m talking bullshit, man you gotta watch your ass out here…

But we ain’t like that. We see eye to eye. I mean, I shouldn’t even be hangin’ with these low-rent mother fuckin’ two-bit shits, man, they’d fuck up they own mother for a pull on that pipe. But on my mother’s grave, I ain’t that type, man, I ain’t trying to get over on you, I’m tellin’ you, me and you, we see eye to eye, it’s just like…………… shit, my sister is in the hospital, and….goddammit it, ain’t no mother fucker’s gonna get over on me!….

Wait a minute, yo, check this out, I ain’t like these cats. See, actually, I’m a what-you-call professional. No shit, my man, I’m telling you, we see eye to eye, I’m telling you, I’m a hair stylist. No shit. Yo, bro , check this out, I’m telling you, I was licensed and every goddamn thing, that was back in Philly, man I had it going on, man, all my friends and chicks and shit, people I didn’t even know would be begging me to cut their hair….

I’m telling you, I was the best goddamn barber in Philadelphia, that’s where I got my license and shit, I’m telling you, I was a hot property, goddamn it, you better believe my ass, mother fucker, I can work magic with a razor. I’m a professional, and I don’t belong here on no bullshit fucking street collecting flies with all these sorry-ass mother fuckers who be trying to get over on you and shit cuz they’re a bunch of fuckin’ losers whose life ain’t shit………

But goddamn mother fuck, I’m a goddamn professional, and they’re making me wait to take their goddamn test to get certified here, bunch of bullshit, I’m telling you, I’m better than any of these shitty ass barbers out here, mother fuck, I can work magic with a goddamn razor, and on my mother’s grave ain’t no mother fucker gonna get over on me, mother fucker, I got my mother fuckin’ blade right here, mother fucker, I’ll cut your ass up, mother fucker!…….

Where you goin’ man, listen to me, I don’t belong out here with these two-bit shits, I’m tellin’ you, man, you and me, we see eye to eye, we don’t deserve this bullshit, we’re clean, man, deep down, know what I’m saying, it’s just that…. my sister’s in the hospital, I came out here to help her out, man, but ain’t no mother fucker gonna get over on me, on my mother’s grave, you know what I’m saying, my man, I ain’t trying to get over on you, I ain’t like these cats, you know what I’m saying, you and me, we see eye to eye, we’re professionals, it’s just that… my sister’s in the hospital, and shit, on my mother’s grave, sometimes I think I’m just gonna bust………..

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